"Gender-Free" Dance? Is that one of them new organic food labels?

No, it's not an FDA label letting you know you are federally protected from some harmful substance, but it does identify an ingredient we don't often think about:  the role gender plays in why we dance.

Ultimately, I want to define the purpose of a Gender-Free dance.

When I first started working on this event with PCDC, I asked around for some opinions on the matter, and, not surprisingly, some folks said, “ah, that's just those young people who don't know themselves forcing me to change some terms that don't mean anything.”  This might sound like a generational divide...because it is. But I want to honor the underlying fear/push back from this kind of statement.  Every generation, every person, wants to feel comfortable and accepted in their identity of self.  To have someone tell you you've gotten your ideas of gender wrong your whole life, and without even having a conversation with you, well, that's just plain mean.  Why, you'd never do such a....thing... would you?  

After all, a safe place for anyone to be themselves and share in the joy of contra dance is one of our most cherished talking points in dance evangelism, right?  

Enter, the Gender-Free dance (which we still haven't defined).  To some, Gender-Free dances are a “gay friendly” dance.  Closer would be a dance intending to cultivate a safe space for all people – specifically to be more open to queer and trans community members, whom we love and  who stopped coming to dances.  

But neither is what I believe defines a Gender-Free dance.  A Gender-Free dance should address why folks feel left out of our community promise, right?  And just saying, “hey, we are lgbtq friendly tonight” doesn't make it so.  So, what is it folks are drawn to Gender-Free dances all across the country?

Let me start by saying thank you to everyone who shared their experience, insights and, often, strong opinions.  The two main themes that arose out of my conversations were: 1.  We have been saying “guys can dance with guys,” and “girls can dance with girls,” for awhile now but, really, we've been modeling “girls dance with girls because they have to, and guys dancing with guys is gross.”  And 2.  The reasons why different people contra dance don't always match.  

Be it in a Gender-Free dance or not,  number one is clearly hurtful and is easy enough to fix.  If we honor the choices of our community members to be and play whatever role they choose, then we are upholding our values of openness and welcoming as a dance community (freedom of identity).  We can change terms or not, or redefine terms to mean what we want them to (that is another conversation), face our own phobias (yet another conversation), but ultimately, honoring wherever someone has chosen to dance clearly falls at the center of accepting community members free of gender.  Step 1.

Number two was much more surprising.  Thank you, again, to all the folks who were open in our conversations. I had many conversations with folks around the disappointment they would feel, and the glaze that would come over their eyes, when dancing with the fourth “same gendered” person in the line.  I thought is was strait up queer/trans phobia, but it is not.  That exists, for some, but there were a whole mess of “older” friends and community members who shared an insight I hadn't even considered.  

“I like dancing with guys (girls) from time to time, in the line, but I come to flirt with women (or men).  That is the reason I dance.  If I only dance with guys (girls) in an evening, it wasn't worth it for me.”  Some younger folks might balk, but those are the same folks who will grow old, say young people just don't understand how to live not understand why said young people look at them funny.  It's true!  Flirting with your desired sex/gender is one of the primary reasons our dance form exists – to have fun as a community and meet partners, friends, lovers, and dance (celebration/fun/etc.) as a community.

The difference for most younger folks, especially where the generational divide is greater, is that they don't dance to flirt or find partnership.  Sure, a bit, but that is what blues or swing or tango is for.  In contra, they dance more often just to dance with everyone (or their friends) – to be themselves (awkward and all) and have fun with the whole community.   It's not a more noble reason than any other, and we all dance for this reason too.  It is just a different major focus, so younger folks aren't going to feel welcome when us “older” folks give them the stink eye for “confusing the line with their gender bending.”

So, what does all this mean for defining “what is a Gender-Free dance?”

Well, Gender-free is not just about the terms we use to include folks who don't identify as male or female (which will be more accurate and including if we do, learning curve aside).  It is not just about being more open and welcoming to all folks regardless of sexual or gender identity (which it is a reminder of).  Gender-free dances are about cultivating one of our primary reasons for dancing, the reason our next generation of dancers will be drawn to – to enjoy the whole of the community first and other reasons after.

I'll leave you with a quote from someone who came specifically because they had fallen in love with our dance community, someone who hadn't been back for a long time and articulated the draw for the next generation:

“...For me, I feel this sense of community, togetherness, learning to laugh about mistakes. I see friends and strangers alike coming together to experience something so basic and yet profound that has been lost in the larger culture. For me, it is a joyful celebration of the human experience, and my hope is that everyone who wants to participate gets to feel welcomed with open arms and big smiles, invitations to dance, and language that includes them...”

Update: "Hoy!" And Other Process Bits.

Novel Update:  I am currently half way through a conceptual outline.  This part is taking longer than I thought (I may also be taking on two tasks in one, editing along the way), but the work is definitely rewarding, and I am more excited and engaged than I am crushed and confused. That's good :) :) There was this big old section about one third of the way through the story where Evalyn Snowcrest (A white dragon who desperately wants to find her people) is weirdly connected to the timeline - notice I didn't say plot...

....I may have had a couple weeks (August through September) of really bad, plot and character free, writing where I stitched plot segments together with ideas and possibilities...which are mostly shenanigans...Hoy!

Thank you, process!!!

The more space I give myself from those details, the more I focus on what is actually said of value to the story, characters, and world, the easier it is for me to divorce those bad scribbles and take a closer look at Evalyn's personal and narrative arc.

First Polished Chapter (Teaser!) Comes out January 21st, 2015 [Oops...Just kidding.]

I [was] super Excited to be releasing the first chapter of this adventure January 21st, 2015!  Woot!  :) [and then I pulled a George R.R. Martin...  Soon is what I can say.  I'm still working on having a super solid arc to follow from the notch of my bow to the target that is "the end."]

I'm dutifully working on a conceptual outline of the adventure I've written.  This means that I am looking at everything I said in each scene - not the details of what the world looks like - but what am I saying.  I.E.  "Emma believes Ben is going crazy."  or "The village thinks Ben is going to bring disaster to them all." or " Ben worries the village might be right, but he is compelled to see what lies beyond the mysterious door." 

These are plot, character, and relationship elements that matter to the telling of the story.  I am doing this because, as happens with many works of fantasy, many of the world elements from the start of the story do not stitch well with the elements from the end of the story (or middle for that matter).  This 'essentials only' outline is laborious and fun because I can see what scenes are ripe with engaging moments and which scenes are really a few pages to say one or two things.  This also essential for giving me the space (emotional distance) I need from the details that I've written.  When I finish, I will be able to more comfortably change physical world details - rather than pounding myself in the face with my ceramic fish vase over and over about how to reconcile the awkward elements.  I appreciate pain avoidance.  So, I'm taking this story-centric approach, and then letting the story happen on the world my characters and I discovered together. 

fish says, "follow the path of least resistance."   Apparently, Fish is a Taoist.

The Joy of Shitty First Drafts and Other Mountains to Climb :)

I'm back in Portland, so thankful to the contra committee for welcoming me like family, and am beginning work on the next steps of this journey toward a creative life.  I finished the first draft of [working title] Remembering Tamria: Puppets and Cobwebs, and I have become quite thankful for not being terribly excited.  But I finished the first draft.  Why am I not ecstatic?

Have you ever been on an exhausting hiking, and you see the top of that really steep hill?  Your chest is tight, and your ears are pounding from the blood pressure building in your head.  Maybe you tell yourself, "it's just a little further.  Come on.  Just a little further."  Your feet move to the rhythm of that mantra - one more step.  And then you reach the top, and another huge f*@($ing mountain is rising up towards outer space right in front of you.  How in the deceitful laws of physics did that happen?  And every single time.  Now, when you are hiking, you sigh a raspy sigh and tell yourself to "Relax."  That mountain wasn't hiding behind a bush (well, perceptually, it might have been) waiting to pop out and mock me.  Take a breath and move forward.  Apparently, a journey is a journey, no less sweet and bitter.

Reaching the end of the first draft for Puppets and Cobwebs was just this, a journey.  I raced to the top, and then immediately saw how much work there was to do, how many plot holes, character inconsistencies, missing world elements, forced plot twists, and awkward shifts in character development (Of course I forgot all the beautiful developments, clean transitions, funny, poignant, and insightful moments, but that is probably for the best.  Nothing moves forward from perfection, right?).  But this singular focus that, for a moment, seemed to betray me, is really the reason I have gotten as far as I have.  Yes.  And.  Yes.  And.  No different than improvisational theater or storytelling.  No different than breathing.  You reach the end of the first leg of this journey, and you can stop to look up at the next.  If you stare too long, it becomes daunting.  If you take care of yourself and then start breathing and moving one more step at a time, you can move on forever.  :)

Pretty Anticlimactic, right? but after thinking "huh, that is not what I expected," a weight began to settle that is both a little scary and...well...exactly what I've been wanting for the last seven years - the feeling that this is real.  This is possible.  Which is heavier than I imagined, kind of like the first time you have sex - only this time, no one was whispering breathlessly in my ear "promise me I won't get pregnant.  Promise me, Noah.  If my mom finds out, Jesus will know."  *sigh*  And Now that I'm there (at my desk staring at "the end", not awkwardly writhing like an injured worm on top of a beautiful spread legged, lightly fearful, young woman), I'm on a journey - a legit journey I am a little frightened of.  And that damn mountain definitely came out of nowhere. 

And so I took a breath.  I took off my backpack, have been burning through all the excess weight (looming to do's), and have been planning how to take this next step by step by step.  I am thankful to Kim and Christine Appleberry for encouraging me to read Bird by Bird.  I didn't, of course, till I finished the first draft, but Anne Lamott validated my approach to the craft and provided additional weight and levity to my feelings about the first draft.

First drafts are, as a little bird told me not long ago...(see blog post image)... and from here is a journey that continues word by word.  :)